By the third time I had read Penny Babcock’s Midnight Dawn, I knew I was in love. Not with her, of course! I’m talking about the book, obviously. I don’t like women like that. But I do like women! I have plenty of girl friends! I mean, they aren’t my girlfriends; they’re my friends who also happen to be girls. Oh, listen to me; I’m a mess. It’s just that whenever I talk about Babcock my heart starts pounding and I get all flushed and start thinking about how I’m going to meet the man of my dreams one day while in a coffee shop reading the same Babcock novel as him and our eyes will meet but not for too long and he’ll introduce himself and we’ll fall in love from first sight and spend the rest of our lives and eternity together! Her works are pure poetry. I don’t know where she gets her inspiration, unless she herself has been through all the romances and heartaches her characters have faced. I’ve had a handful of boyfriends myself, but none of them are nearly as magical as the stories I read. My last boyfriend, Doug Parker, turned out to be a real asshole in fact!
I met Doug after my fifth reading of Midnight Dawn, and I was waiting for the bus. The main character of that novel, Geraldine Fitzsimmons, meets the man that ends up being her true love while on a train to Poughkeepsie. I figured catching a bus to Coeur d’Alene was close enough, so I struck up a conversation! I don’t usually like initiating conversations with guys, but I felt like this was my real chance at love. At first, Doug seemed like an amazing guy! He’s quite a bit older than me – or, at least according to the age I gave him – and works as a manager for a sales company. Mother always told me to go into sales, so I figured this guy was at least smart enough to listen to his mother. When I saw he had packed himself a sack lunch that included carrot sticks, I knew I had found a decent one! We talked about the weather, movies, TV shows (we watch all the same shows, yet we both hate Two and a Half Men with a vengeance!), local politics, and why we both loved Idaho so much. He ended up asking me out to dinner, and I had no choice to accept. We covered all the basic “first conversation” topics, so dinner would mean we could get to the good stuff, like hobbies, career goals, family plans, and what the rest of our future looks like! The dinner went great, so I let him spend the night. I tried to think about the sex in a way that Babcock would write it, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t equate his penis to a throbbing tuber of hot flesh, and my breasts definitely didn’t shudder and swell at his touch. I did relate to when she talks about feeling filled and satisfied, though! Well, I felt filled. We didn’t reach our peaks at the same time, so we missed out on that throe of passion, but I did enjoy the pillow talk. Doug mentioned his insecurities, I talked about mine, and we slept well. He didn’t stick around for breakfast, but he was nice enough to kiss me goodbye in the morning.
After a few more months, things started to get serious, and that’s when he revealed his true colors. I’m a pretty outdoorsy kind of gal, but when I found out that Doug wasn’t in touch with nature like I was, I decided to go about fixing that. Who the hell lives in Idaho but hates the woods? I took him along with the ladies and me on our semi-annual camping trip one weekend, and I think being around all the married couples, in an unfamiliar place, really brought out the worst in him. I wanted to think it was just a bad weekend, but I realized more and more that Doug couldn’t commit to a tie in the morning, let alone a woman for the rest of his life! I spent too many weeks trying to save the relationship, but eventually, I gave up on him, and threw him out back to the bus, where he belonged. I have a car now, so I don’t have to worry about running into him again on any public transit, thank god.
I wish I could meet Penny sometimes. I know she would know what to do to get over a break-up, seeing as how all of her character have to go through at least two or three before they can be with their true love. I know my true love is waiting for me out there somewhere; it’s just a matter of running into him at the right time, and with the right outfit on of course! I’m kidding about the outfit, otherwise I probably missed my true love back in the 80’s when I thought a denim skirt over fishnets was a good idea! But that doesn’t change the fact that I really should put myself out there more. All my friends say I’ve got so many great qualities, so why has it been such a long dry spell since Doug? My body hasn’t quit yet, either! Maybe I need a change of pace. Or a vacation. Babcock’s characters always take a vacation when they need to get away from dull life, and most of them end up at least getting a temporary Latin lover, too!
I started looking at some travel sites, and I found some pretty cheap flights to Mexico. My sister went to Mexico with her family last month, and all she could talk about was how many attractive, single men were everywhere! And not just Mexicans: rich tourists and young businessmen from all over the states were down there in the middle of spring. I think it’s time I grabbed myself another slice of the relationship pie, and this time, it’ll be much more savory. Like strawberry rhubarb, or pecan! With a scoop of ice cream on top… Oh boy, now I’m getting hungry. Food is an important theme in Babcock’s novels, though! Not only is it seductive and sexy; food is what makes real commitment and love. I’ve heard stories from tons of my friends that making a fantastic dinner for their man is what really got him to pop the question. My cooking skills have never been anything to brag about, but I’ve started taking a cooking course to see if that makes a difference. I cooked for Doug once or twice, but I don’t think spaghetti with Ragu from the jar is exactly the most romantic dinner. I tried making garlic bread, but it burned, and all the lettuce I had was wilted, so even a salad was out of the question. I’m planning on buying better cookware, too. I think that makes a difference. Even some nicer plates would help, I bet. There are quite a few guys in my cooking class, so maybe I should start talking to one of them. I’ve noticed a cute one who always works in the back corner, but I think he’s gay, so no luck for me there! I bet he could give me some fashion and decorating tips though, gay guys always seem to have a knack for that sort of thing. I wonder what finding romance is like for them. Of all the authors I’ve come across, none of them seem to have many gay characters. And there are practically no gay guys on TV! All those gay married couples must either be really brave, or just really lucky to bump into each other like that.
The Babcock character I most identify with has to be, without a doubt, the main character from After Time’s Ticking. It’s not my favorite book by her, but it always makes me smile to see Charlotte, the main character, go through so many bad experiences before she gets to the perfect one. Unlike a lot of other women in her novels that have lifelong lovers that are constantly torn from them, Charlotte stumbles into love with a man she met the second she stopped trying so hard to find someone. Her ovaries had already been taken out, so she couldn’t have any kids with Jerome, her husband-to-be, but he looked past that, and told her she was perfect no matter what! Reading that line for the first time almost made me cry in the middle of the Laundromat, and I’m so glad I didn’t, because a minute later a really cute guy walked in to pick up his clean laundry. I spied on him as he pulled his things out of the dryer, and he must be a bodybuilder, because he owned more workout clothes than I had ever seen a man own before! At first I was a little intimidated, and it sure didn’t help when he looked over and caught me staring, but I think I did a good job of making look like a casual glance. I don’t think I stared that long, anyway. I had a romance already in my hands that I needed to finish! I haven’t seen that guy around since that night, but I did find a nicer Laundromat two blocks closer to my apartment, so I think he’s moved on to bigger and better washing machines too.
Every so often, I go to bed and think about calling up Doug. I know he’s a jerk, and I know we ended on pretty rough terms, but one of Babcock’s characters ended up marrying a man that she couldn’t even stand to be on the same continent with! He ended up tracking her down in Europe, and the second she realized he had traveled all that way just to see her, she tossed her French lover away to be with him. I need a French lover to make Doug jealous, and maybe then I’ll see that he can commit to me. Who wouldn’t be willing to make a commitment to the woman they saved overseas? I know Boise isn’t the biggest city, but we do live on opposite sides, and if I had found out he had walked all the way over to my house from his – or even from downtown – I have to admit I’d be pretty damn impressed! I think that’s what I really need: a man who can impress me as much as Penny Babcock can. Maybe I should just send Babcock a letter asking her to write me up a husband! He would be tall (but not too tall), have a hint of an accent, and would have a taste for culture without being too delicate to enjoy a hike in the woods! I’ve been meaning to get more into art; it’s just that so much of it all looks the same. I think paintings of trees and mountains are pretty and all, but after an hour of looking at trees on paper, I start to go crazy and forget what actual trees look like! With my Babcock husband, we’d be able to appreciate the finer things without forgetting who we are: simple people with big hearts and big imaginations.
I don’t think I should go back to Doug. Sure, he has a career track lined up for himself, but what kind of life would it be without the excitement of mixing things up every few years? I know getting married and having kids will keep me a bit more grounded, but I know I could have at least five or six good years with a guy before we have to worry about all that formal stuff. With Doug, everything would happen too easily! No, I think I deserve more of a challenge than that, because the rewards will be that much bigger. Mexico should be a very interesting trip for me, and I’ll bet by the time I’m done, I’ll have enough material for at least three Babcock novels!
Word count: 2,027
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